Tonight I called my dad and he answered the phone out of breath… “Is everything okay?” I asked. “Yeah,” he said “I knew it would be you, so I ran from downstairs to answer the phone.” I chuckle a bit, “Yes, I call every Sunday night.”
I would love to say that I call my parents every Sunday night to get them caught up on my wonderful life… but in reality our calls are filled with a lot of tears and A LOT of swearing – I am pretty sure I swear more on Sunday night than I do the rest of the week combined. I call my parents every Sunday night in either a fit of rage or anxiety over school.
On Saturday and Sunday I do my very best to put happiness first. I fill my weekends with things that make me happy and the people I love, but unfortunately that leaves my Sunday nights filled with a pile of work and a mountain of anxiety.
Why does having a weekend mean I can’t sleep all week? Why in the world do I have to choose between my school and my happiness? Between being mentally and physically healthy or getting my work done? Between friends or professors?
I feel like an ungrateful snob saying this… But I hate school. And not in the way that I hate cold winds, I hate it in the same way that I hate… No, I can’t think of something that compares to my hatred for school.
Don’t get me wrong, I love learning, I love reading, and I love the opportunities that University bring me… But I hate that I feel like a slave to my education.
University is not about learning, it is about mindlessly walking with the thousands of other students in the direction the professor points.
How is school healthy? We need to reform our schooling system, so that students can enjoy their lives and are not be forced to sacrifice their happiness for a grade.
I would love to lay here and proclaim “No more will I allow my happiness to fall victim to my grades! No more will I get stressed over a mark! From now on I am going to put happiness above all else, I am going to let my smile lead the way!” But I know that as soon as I post this, I am going to watch a few YouTube videos, crawl back to my desk, and sacrifice my sleep tonight to complete my projects.
I hate wishing away the present… but I cannot wait until my Sunday night anxiety is replaced with happiness and love! I know in two years I am going to look back at this blog and wish I had never said this… But the countdown is on: Four more weeks until Christmas break, six more months until summer holidays, and 1.5 years until I complete my undergrad… I got this!