It is my goal to someday be standing on a TED (or TEDx) stage. And today I tried to go after that goal… And fell flat on my face!
This morning when I woke up I was struck by anxiety. I was stressed out about my to-do list and worried about the future. I panicked and started to cry.
Then this sentence popped into my head: “You don’t have to change the world today, all you have to do is pack your lunch and get to class… Today, showing up is enough. Showing up will be a success.”
I took a deep breath and packed my lunch.
As soon as I allowed myself to define success as showing up, I instantly felt less anxious. Declaring that statement removed all the pressure I had placed on myself to make this day an ‘A+’ day!
“Take a deep breath, Christa; showing up is enough.”
My day continued on in the same fashion in which it started… shaky and not my best.
…But I promised myself that showing up was enough, I promised myself that no matter happened today, I would love myself regardless.
Today, I had my TEDx speaker’s interview… I didn’t just stumble a little bit… I fell flat on my face…. And scorpioned!
It was by far one of my worst interviews of all time. I stormed away from the interview holding back tears and swearing viciously in my head.
After a while of beating myself up, my inner Brene Brown rose up. “Practice self-love, practice self-compassion! You promised yourself that showing up was enough!”
I took a deep breath, swallowed my shame, and forgave myself. I thought to myself, “There were numerous times that you contemplated backing out of this interview, but you didn’t. You showed up. Yes, you may not have done your best, but you are still enough. You showed up, that is success!
From the moment I forgave myself, my day turned around! And I end up having an incredible evening and night.
Looking back on my day I realize how far I have come in the past few months. Last year I would have never practiced self-compassion. Last year I found it extremely difficult to forgive myself. And today I was able to take one small step forward and let the past be the past!
Self-compassion cannot be taught or learned… it has to be practiced. And I am so grateful and proud that I was able to take a small step forward today… Even if that meant face-planting first.